Sunny's Space

Something Is Wrong

2010-09-28T14:49:00.000+08:00

Although I still refuse to admit that I fall in love with her, but seems like I'm accepting this fact. Everyday I go to school just trying to see her, even sometimes only saw her for a few second, I was still very happy. I'm so sick of this feeling. this is as same as the time in secondary school when I had this feeling on another person. But that person hurts me a lot, really a lot, and until now I don’t dare to go to another girl and tell her I love her, even though I see her everyday and think about her every night. Now, A’level is coming, and the stupid school always resist us from getting good results, when they suppose to help us. So now I’m in deep trouble.

Went to chalet with old friends, surprisingly she was there, but the way we treat each other, like not even a normal classmate, I admit that I pretend that I didn’t see her and never talk to her is because I felt very shy, but I didn’t know what her reason for ignoring me all the way. When we went to watch movie, and we were told that there were only couple seats, she immediately go to another guy and wanted to seat together with him. I knew she was just trying to avoid me. Maybe I am really a person that not socially desired and I should just go somewhere with nobody around me and stay until die.

I always claim that I like miss Laureen Toh, but obviously I am just trying to hide my true feeling. Whatever thing I do, I will just think about her every time. I was so sick, I think I already accept that I’m going to fail A’level, it’s just a problem of time, just wait for the time come and accept I failed and probably go to another country to start my new life.

I truly fall in love with 2 girls in Singapore, but my love is just to hurt myself more and more. I know we will never ever be together, but I just can’t control my feeling.

Blog resumed

2010-09-25T21:29:00.001+08:00

TQ is back here.

ya, the reason for resuming the blog is really have things in the mind, but sometimes can't say out, so just use blog as a tool to share the opinions, whether it is bias or something, it is just my personal feelings.

today was good in the morning, learnt something from gp lecture, which is worth waking up early in the morning. but on my way to sengkang, i saw something i should see on the bus, when i passed by hougang mall. and suprisingly, i didnt feel angry or sad or even emo. maybe it is mecause i never let her know my feelings and really she does not hav eany relationship with me so i dont have the right to feel anything about it, but personally, i felt that i grew up already, because if this happens in my secondary school time, i may just jump out of the bus and punch that guy.

everyone is growing, and just to see who grow up faster, the people who grow up faster will always be successful in life. so let's grow up together.

2010-01-11T18:56:00.000+08:00

Well, this is the beginning of the new year, 2010. I know this year is difficult for all of us A level students, but life is just like that, if we don't have this kind of pressure, we will have another one.

New class is very good, the classmates looks ok, i think after one week we will get to know each other well. Maybe, I can make new good friends, same as last year.

This year does not seems nice to me, got fever on the first day when I came back, lucky it was not H1N1. But now my body is still quite weak, quite long never do any physical training, well, in China, now it should be -21 degree, the temperature is not available for exercise. So I think during the PE lesson I need more time to adapt.

The teachers are ok, well someone may think that the math teacher is a bit not so good, but it's fine for me, her personility is perfectly fine for me, she is a very kind teacher, and i heard that her tutorial is not as bad as lecture. I believe that i can be used of her teacher style soon, and the most importantly, make math become my the strongest subject again, since this year we do not have chinese.

Ok, have to prepare for tomorrow's school, well, you know, tomorrow is a long day, so need to sleep early.

Bye

2009-08-31T14:21:00.000+08:00

New blog, new link: http://blog.sina.com.cn/sunnyqing19

http://514669348.qzone.qq.com

2009-06-04T20:00:00.000+08:00

祝我生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么~让我诚实一点
诚实~难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门
不必理谁
一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机~让它休息一夜
难~想切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点
生日快乐～我对自己说
蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也溶了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你~带一点恨
还要时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕画面重生
祝我生日~快乐

2009-06-04T07:33:00.000+08:00

Wish myself happy birthday

This year, the birthday is not expected. I really miss the time when i stay at my hometown and enjoy birthday with my family. although this year they told me they have prepared presents for me, but on the actual day, i don't have anything.

If i'm not with my family, like last year, it was good because i had chalet with 4E3 people. It was really nice, as that was the first time i had my birthday with friends and play together. but this year, everything has changed, I'm not blaming my friends because i'm not the kind of person who hope to get many presents or birthday wishes from my friends, I prefer to be alone.

The worst thing is, birthday still need to go back to school. I know that many people have to go back to school so they may feel that it's nothing, but usually my birthday is on holiday, so, i haven't get use of it. That's sad, seems like from now i need to try to get use of it.

2009-06-01T11:45:00.000+08:00

Well, holiday is still haven't came yet. Still coming to school, actually I'm in school now, doing project work.

Going back to China at 8 June in the evening. Hopefully got people go with me and send me off, if they all free on that day.

All the people are working hard, except for me, who is still slacking. I will change the attitude probably next year.

Birthday is coming, on thursday, looking foward to it.

2009-05-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

Went to school for Project Work today. It was quite fun. Played Dota during the lesson.lol. and Sherina and Daniel Lee was playing Meryl's itouch...they were very funny, later I will upload the picture. and probably the video.

Went to play basketball with Sufi, Kenneth, Joshua, Nicholas, Yi Yang and Chia Hwee. Had a fight with Chia Hwee because he pushed me down when i was doing lay up and the whole body was hang in the air. Well he used to do that to me before but i was not angry because i knew he was not purposely to injurd me. But this time was different, i clearly knew that he was purposely push me and his target was my body but not the basketball. This was a very dangerous action in basketball because when people doing lay up and someone push him down, the neck, knee, legs, arms and fingers all got chance to be injured and it may lead to more than three month MC. We went to play because we wanted to have fun, but if he played like that, the game was totally not fun.

Anyway, my mood was not affected because chat with Nicholas , Josh and Kenneth was very fun, and furthermore, when i saw these pictures, i'm not able to get angry.

2009-05-24T20:25:00.000+08:00

Ok, the MYE was finally end. Now life become quite relax, as in i finally got enough sleep. i slept for more than 60 hours for the last 3 days. that's good, but only for this week.

Project work is coming, the group is very good. we got joker-Daniel Lee; another joker- Sherina Tan; and the most helpful leader- Benedict. This group is super strong, except for me, probably, yup. My English is not that good, or, very lousy, and that's why Mr Lo put me into this group, because the rest are all very strong. I am very happy with the group, i think if i am in another group i will probably slack all the way, but in this case, since the rest are working so hard and never complain that they have me in their group, I will do my best to coorprate with them.

Planning to go out practice basketball and go swimming, if the weather allow. But probably, I will stay at home if not go hua she in the afternoon.

Good, gonna sleep again. lol

2009-05-20T22:52:00.000+08:00

Now, someone, something, become unrecognisable. I know that people are changing all the time, but why some of you changed so fast??

I totally agree with YY, he is true, my reaction is not that strong because i already used to it. But please, it's really not a good habit. I know you may emo, but try to release it in a correct way. you have so many friends around you.

Ok, since come here already, talk something about myself. MYE is not well done. I know i will do well in chinese, probably an A, but GP is confirm a U, totally fail, i don't even understand what is the comprehension is about.

Today, the math paper is gone, I'm no longer the first person who finished the paper and sleep for one hour in the hall just like last time in secondary, now, it really changed. I don't even dare to think about an A, who can save me??????

Chat with Jasxxxx again, after so long i finally realised that whatever she do to me, i will not angry with her, how come? and as long as i am chating with her, i will feel super happy and forget everything that troubles me. and she changed me a lot, she is the first one that i can remember her birthday and her habit, and now i start to remember other people's birthday. I tried so many times to forget about her, but she is still in my soul, totally cannot be removed. That's why I hurt Shanshan and QL. But, life is really......

Ok, MYE still haven't ended, have to sleep early, as usual, 930pm......

2009-05-16T15:17:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday To Shi Yun!!!

Well, Actually planning to go out with E3 friends again, but too bad, i got flue in the morning so I don't want to go out. Sorry Kezia.

Mid Year Exam is coming. I can tell that people are very stress, especially people like Raenes, who is staying at home and revising. Compare to those hardworking people, I think I am still using my own style, which is spend one hour before at night before the exam day to look through my lecture notes, that's all I am going to do for Mid Year. Hope it works....

Staying at home, I can feel that I'm getting better in the sence of sleep well, I seriously didn't get enough sleep in the previous months, that's makes me keep sleeping during lecture. Now, I need a clear mind to deal with the MYE. I can do well when I have enough sleep.

1s15, hope you all being well prepared and will go well in the MYE. Jiayou!!!

2009-05-12T18:48:00.000+08:00

Life is still fun, when I'm with 4E3. Last night, went out for dinner with them, It was a nice moment when I sit with all those E3 people. Someone didn't go and made amanda sad. LOL.

Thanks Joel for organise this event. Although it was quite sad that Mrs Ng was not free, but we still had fun, at least I saw my friends one more time. Kezia become more pretty, Amanda's height got increase i think, Ruibin's hair made all the guys emo because he has the longest hair. Yingjie and Hazirah remain unchanged, Briscillia...no need to say la, the shiny forehead, like a mirror.lol.....Shah was wearing a red hair band(He is a male!!!), Joel, Joshua, Kenneth, Andre Isfaiz are as usual, because i can always see those guys. Sufi brought his camera so we can save the wonderful moment as a forever memory.

Share some pictures, taken by sufi.

2009-05-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

Ok, quite long didn't come here already. this was all because of the mid-year exam.

Went home with ...sth, with god's plan... just kidding. but i definetly took the wrong bus because it took a very long time to reach my home.

Went to basketball with my E3 friends. really enjoyed the time we had together. and i was super excited when i heard that Joel is planning a outing with Mrs Ng and the E3 classmates. That's will be a great time, but also got difficulties. Firstly, next monday is not a holiday for all the Poly students. As for JC, Raenes also got more than one outing. Furthermore, Mrs Ng can not stay until too late. However, i believe that the class will still unite together and overcome all the obstacles. Although the class was no longer studying together, but out spirit is still there.

"The longest distance in the world is not live and death, it's I clearly know that I love you, but pretending as I don't feel for you. " This was my personal message on MSN last time. when I was fall in love with her. However, I feel the same way now. It's quite hard for me to show my love again, I don't want to get hurt one more time because of the same case. But everyday seeing you in school, with other boys, the feeling is not good. I know I'm quite a lousy people, I may not be good enough to be your lover, I hope our relationship will stay in this position now, maybe until I feel that I'm good enough. Now, I have no authority to promise anything.

Was taking quiz on facebook, it was really fun. But i failed all the quiz except for lashaun's one, and it was by luck. This shows i really don't know my friends well, from now onwards i'm going to know more about my friends by many ways, keep in contect with all of them.

Ok, looking foward to Joel and Kezia's outing. and looking forward to see you on monday if can not then on tuesday...

2009-04-29T21:12:00.000+08:00

Today was the library investiture. The investiture itself is nothing, very boring. Only 3 or 4 teacher turned up, and especially Miss Tan Mei Xuan, at the time the MCs said "now it's the end of the investiture..." then she came in........

However, the "eating program" was quite fun, shiyun was really..... and we kept making fun of her h......lol.

Took pictures with all the 1s15 people there, including teachers, and that president Hanisah Lyana.

2009-04-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

Ok today is the SR Olympic, it was quite nice. Priscillia won the first position in 100m girls, congrats!!! Daniel Chay also did well in 100m and 200m boys.

After Olympic, the library got the stupid rehearsal. wasted my time sia, the starting time should be 230, they delay until 330. the whole event was badly organised.

2009-04-20T18:34:00.000+08:00

As everyone knows, there are certain things start to happen in the class. Firstly, the class is not the 1s15 in the beginning of the first term which we go everywhere as a whole class and fave fun together. Now, we are in minimum 4 groups. This is quite obvious now, and it indeed will happen.

Quite miss the time during orientation. We didn't need to worry anything, just have fun together. However, now is different, JC life birngs us great pressure. This is what we cannot escape. People will become very sensitive when we are under great pressure, this is also the truth. I'm 19, and the rest of the class are 18 and 17 people. I think we suppose to manage our stress well, but we didn't. We are still doing childish things.

I feel very sad when i look at those pictures we took during orientation, we were holding hands and fight for 1s15, but now, things have changed, it is very hard now for us to unite together and fight for 1s15.

Ok here are the good memories.

2009-04-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

Captain's ball was really fun. and I'm very glad that all my friends were doing their best especially zhao zuo and shiyun. haha, one of them took a great challenge to stand on the chair to be the catcher, another one very fierce, whole body fly until out of the court.... haha joking, but really, although we lost, but still had fun. Thanks friends.

PW is going to become an emergency.... I still doing my second draft, and there is not much time left.... must rush already, but i really got no time to rush.

It's so unfair!! i mean the library, i just can't understand why Glenda and her gang can withdraw the canoeing, but we cannot? is it because she is the president? or is it because she is pretty? or is it because that the teacher in charge likes her? She say her family got something need her, my family also need me, I need to go shopping to my mother so that she will buy a new pair of shoes and some new shirt for me!! it's very important ok!! it's really bias, really...

Sorry for shiyun, actually mdm sis should say that, she wasted 1 hour in the library but did nothing just because the leaders haven't settled the sequence for rehearsal. so she just sat their looks pityful... lol.

Went to play basketball with my secondary school friends. OK so now i'm very tired, tomorrow still got GP test, GP for general paper, is not math....

2009-04-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

The captain's ball changed to tomorrow morning, need to wake up early, but never mind, since we already signed up, i must do my best. Gladys and Priscillia cannot make it tomorrow, we can understand, it's ok, and we still can play the game because raenes is joining in although she is on MC. So, ...sth, thanks a lot!!

Chemistry test was very difficult, and i don't have enough time to do. Hope i can get a sub pass, that's all.

A lot of homework, especially the chinese essay, it takes me a lot of time, but still have to finish it by tomorrow.

Rushing on time.......

2009-04-15T21:55:00.001+08:00

Wah OMG, the new library president is a girl, is a chinese girl, is a quite-pretty chinese girl!!!
Forgot her name already, is it G-l-e-n-d-a?? from 1A07, so that's my new boss. but quiet sad, benetict lost again, my power is really not strong enough i think, but it's ok, since he was new in the library, many of them don't even know who's benetict, as same as i don't know who is Glenda, which going to be my new boss.

Library is really waste time, the rehearsal of investiture took two and half hour!! how can it be?? J2 got one very pretty girl there, but she is keep acting cute.

Ran 5k today, during PE lesson. it was ok, at least i don't feel that I cannot make it. but both my knee and my heart is not feeling well in the last 2 rounds. I think i need to go back China and look for my doctor as soon as possible.

JD and JY, i think i have misunderstand you last time, on some girl's blog. my apologise here, both of you are very good person. I'm sorry if you feel that my language is very rude.

Don't have a good mood, especially when tomorrow got 2hours GP and a chemistry lecture test. Last time when i was good in math in secondary school, I feel that the only thing who can help me in science is calculation questions, however, now, my math is also become a problem, I'm no longer the one who take part in the price presentation to get the "best in math" certificate. My math result fall since i came into JC. I feel that science is hopeless since calculations cannot help.

Tomorrow there is chemistry test, Friday need to do PI, and a Chinese compo. plus many many other homework.

2009-04-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

Something is wrong, and it going to be worse in the future i guess.

Disappointed with someone, but not really angry, i feel ok, can understand her. She is not purposely hurt people, but she is just not mature enough to realise that she is hurting someone.

School was ok, just like that, nothing much to say, everyday is the same. flag raising, first lesson, break, go eat, some more lessons, lunch, last few lessons, go home. that's all.

Econs test tomorrow, but no mood to study, just let it go. sorry mdm teo.

Wah your smile is really cute, u are like everytime using ur smile instead of talking. Even say hello also no need to open your mouth. LOL

Hope there is nothing wrong with me, and hope there is nothng wrong with all my tests!!

Monday is the captain's ball, Hope i can be the catcher, my knee is really cannot make it. i cannot jump so often. going back to China during june holiday to check it again, with the whole body check.

Hope we can win the competition, not for the house, but for ourselves.

Someone is organising a secondary school class outing, but don't even bother to ask me, Nevermind, enjoy yourself.

That's all for today.

2009-04-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

Signed up for the SR interhouse competition, with Benedict, Daniel Lee, Qi Xian, Priscillia, Meryl, Shi Yun and Gladys. thanks the girls for joining in. Hope we can have fun together.

Since Friday is a "good" friday, i am going to enjoy it in the water i think, i will go swimming on that day. Hope can release stress.

Having physics retest tomorrow, never expect to pass it. haven't study it yet.

Wah that girl's voice is really outstanding, i can heard it 100 meter's away. and especially when she is laughing...... today she nearly spoil my ear.......

Library meeting was lonely... really, but lucky met new friends there, and Yao Xian and Benedict came in the end. well, really thank them for coming, they actually don't need to come, but to help me, they wasted their time.... really thanks a lot.

Internet got serious trouble just now, but lucky it's ok now, if not tomorrow after school i need to repair it again.

Too late already, OMG i'm dying.

2009-04-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

昨天晚上，不知怎么的，又一次失眠，通常我失眠都是因为心不静。没错，昨天我想了很多，但是一早起来，却又什么都不记得了。只记得我想的是如果我没有选择远走他乡，现在的我会是什么样子？

似乎每次当我靠近成功的时候，都会有意外发生。当我准备中考时，那次莫名其妙的打架事件让我对营口的教育彻底失去了信心。要知道，那次带头闹事的是全市最好的高中的学生。

当我体育达标接近优秀时，体重暴增的我不得不接受不及格的事实。

当我准备加入篮球队大展拳脚时，膝盖的伤病让我与校队擦肩而过。之前所有辛苦的训练都付之东流。

当我终于考上高中，却发现我的学校并不是我想要的。我在那过的并不愉快。只希望快点结束高中生活。

可能是我太小心眼，但我似乎就是拥有那种特异功能，每个对我好，帮助过我的人，我全部都记得，当然，每个欺负我，对我不好的人我也都一一记录在案。总有一天，我会让所有曾经与我为敌的人都得到报应。我不会放过任何一个人。不过，所有我的同班同学，我都会把他们当做家人。我会尽力去帮助每一个同学，因为他们或多或少的都帮助过我。尽管有些已经慢慢疏远了。

虽然还有很长的路要走，但是这毕竟是黎明前的黑暗。而我已经知道黑暗什么时候会过去。

2009-04-05T16:25:00.000+08:00

Well, thanks Benedict for the help in chemistry, and i can finally complete my holiday homework, except for the GP journal.

Went out with desmond khoo and nicholas ng, went to compass point to meet them. They saw jasmine in arcade, before i reach there, lol they tried to hold her back and keep play racing with her, just want provide a chance for us to meet, thank them first, well, i feel that it's ok that i missed this chance. when i reached there, she just went off, so, anyway, if i meet her and her brother, i think it will going to be very awkward.

Played basketball with them, well, didn't play well, my 3 pointer still very lousy, haven't get back my feeling.

OK, since everyone is talking about PW, especially some girl who is becoming crazy, lol, i keep it until tonight, which is the last night before submission, then i finally started doing. hope i can finish it as soon as possible.

2009-03-30T22:23:00.001+08:00

Finally got back all the links, lost them for quite long.

2009-03-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

Went to the basketball court to practice, injured my legs again during PE last Friday. So far even walking become a problem to me. just practiced free throw, but also be affected because the legs got no energy.

Tmorrow first period is the math test, not so scary, but not easy to achieve full marks, that's my target and probably the only subject that i dare to think about full mark.

Went to rivervale plaza, bought some bread for tomorrow, but i finished them after playing basketball!!! wasted money.

The 4e3 people are going swimming tomorrow, too bad i cannot go with you all, enjoy your self!!

Lucky there are always people who come and cheer me up when i was sad, I really hope you can come at least once to console me, you are still the best to me.

Ok i'm not saying that the rest are not good, thanks for coming and comfort me. All of you are my best friends.

2009-03-29T21:27:00.001+08:00

In the beginning of the year, I treat everyone in my class as my best friends, but now, something has changed.

I hope the class is united, we need to sit together at least for this year. I don't want to see anyone fail to promote.

Hope you all understand me and we can be friend at least for this 2 years. JC life is already very tough, I don't want other thins to trouble me. Please, my friends.......

2009-03-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday after PE, Daniel Lee took my polo shirt, and "exchanged" with me. wth, he was so stupid, can't even recognise his own polo shirt!! somemore, his shirt is so small.

Thanks Benidict for sending me the PW worksheet.

If Raenes tay shun hua is called auntie hua, then Marc Lee yin hua can call uncle hua or not????

don't know why suddenly like to write in point form, maybe it is very simple, no need to think the sentence structure.

Library become boring.

PE lessons make me crazy, i not saying the training is not good, but it is too tired for me. my legs now feel very pain especially my injured knee.

A lot of rumous going around sia, in class, or even in the whole school.

Lucky, the rumous are not for me, that's good. so I won't be affected by it.

Sufi called basketball again. but i don't think got people going. everytime is like that, Even JC students are not tired, i can't understand why those poly students who are still in holiday always feel tired. it is really very weird.

Not planning to go basketball today, i must protect my knee until i go to see doctor again and make sure it is ok.

Project work and the lecture testS make me feel hopeless for next week. just hope that next week faster gone, and the following week also no hope i think.

Waiting for the time when Alevel finish.

2009-03-26T18:18:00.001+08:00

Joke of the day: some girl fall down when sitting on the chair, what's the reason? is it the chair don't like her?

took the chemistry test today, very badly done. I think other than physics and economics,chemistry is another subject that I must think about it, although it is an H1.

Stay back for econs extra lesson, quite fun there, but the aircon is too cold for me, I had flue for nearly 1 month already, now still not feeling well. Tomorrow still got PE.

2009-03-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

Left school early today, went to the ICA building, but didn't collect my new student pass. the pass is stil not ready yet. waste one afternoon, tomorrow still have to stay back after school to take the chemistry test that i missed today.

i think i need to explain something, firstly, that day during chinese lesson, when i was in front and answer the questions about that bloody lu xun, it was not that i don't dare to look at the 3 girls over there, but it was i don't dare to look at the whole class, i felt that i stand in front is very funny.

secondly, JP, please,(why everyone's name starts with J?) i like none of the 3 girls. haha. i know you like one of them, don't push to me please. haha.

i scared that the chinese teacher will scold me about the chinese composition, i spent only half an hour to do it, and it was badly done. because i was rushing on time that day i think, if i'm not wrong, i need to go out and play basketball. but, my standard is that lousy, my chinese is not as good as the other people from China, so my standard should be the same as the rest of my classmates.

Sherina's voice sounds like Sandra, don't know it true or not, or my ear got problem. she sit behind me today during chinese period, when she suddenly talk, the voice is the same as Sandra, that scared me a lot, i wonder how come Sandra come to srjc and sit behind me........

tomorrow is all lecture, no need to do any homework. i will sleep before 930pm. i will try my best to do that.

2009-03-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

从今天开始，正式进入备战状态。所准备的不是上战场，而是比上战场难上一百倍的复习考试。连续两科不及格，警报已经拉响。是时候该冲刺了。

诚然，这次冲刺的距离很长，而我也不是以前那个我。现在的我所剩的只是疲惫与无奈。不过，这已经是黎明前的黑暗。不管剩下的路有多艰苦，我已经不在乎了，曙光就在前头。

2009-03-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

I can tell, from today onwards, I must get ready to go back to my China lifestyle. Study until midnight, no time to play any games. Until the end of next year, after my Alevel.

I still not regret, that's the way that i have selected, I will do my best to bear with all the troubles. It's a scary thing that I allow myself to be in holiday-mood last week. I can't do any work when I'm in that mood. I don't think I will change to holiday-mood again until Alevel is finished.

Tomorrow, a lot of work have to hand in. gp, chem, and still have to stay back after school. I agree with the teacher that I have to stay back. I prefer to stay back with my econ's teacher. It is better than the other one.

Failed physics and economic test. totally failed. it was very dangerous. I must catch up from now. I want to do last minute work to deal with Alevel, but if i dont get promoted this year, I will not have the chance to do so.

Played basketball again. but they went to play dota half way. haha.

2009-03-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

Still haven't touch any homework. it is quite scary. i still wonder why my 1 H1 chem homework is much more than my 3 H2 subjects add together???? ok the school don't allow to post such things. Nevermind, I didn't say anything.

Think a lot these days, at this time in year 2007, it was the time that you made your choice, and the choice made me emo for the whole year. it really changed me a lot. even ZM also say that my word became more voilent now. I don't care to scold "f'" word now, which i wouldn't say that in sec2. But after that incidence, I became more voilent. I won't blame you, it was just because i'm not good enough.

Last year, again i was affected by another incidence but it was quite different from 2007, in 2007 at least i know what happened, you choose another one, but 2008, i don't even know what happened. but i think i almost get the reason, it was because you could't forget him. You hate him, but you still like him. Lucky got the whole class including Mrs Ng who motivated me so I can still make sure that i focus on my study.

I accept i'm a loser, yes i am. but i still won't blame you. I really don't understand that why you always say you don't dare to approach me because you were scared. i promised you that won't disturb your life, I promised you i will protect you anytime, although you have totally no relationship with me.

Yes, i know this year onwards, I have no chance to meet you again. so wish you all the best here, your school comfirm have a lot of nice guys, i don't have the confidence that you will wait for the time thast we both get into university. so, let this be a ending point, from now onwards, I totally give up.

From now onwards, I will pay more attention to my family, my school and my class. I'm so lucky that I have a nice family, I get into SRJC which is very good to me, and of course 1s15. I enjoy the time with my class, if the teachers give less homework, I will enjoy the time with the teachers too. LOL

That girl, bought another bag i think. haha, waiting to see it next week.

Get into the final of the chinese chess compitition. Although I cannot make it in final, but i still need to waste my effort to get to bishan and spend my whole afternoon there.

How to deal with my homework???

2009-03-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

Indeed, I'm going to fail my physics lecture test. this will be the first time i fail the test, although it is the most important test so far. but nevermind, still got chance.

Think about it carefully, there is no reason that i can pass. report to school at 10am for the test, i wake up at 8 and start playing my games. how to pass like that. somemore, last night still doing chinese, dont care about the test.

but the question itself also quite hard, a lot of explain question. It is very important now, for me to catch up with my english.

Ok, that girl seems like getting well with all the classmates, especially the 2 J-jy and jd. also the girls. ahh why suddenly talk about her, nvm go ahead.

holiday is finally come, since 1 Fed, around 1 and half month i already very tired. don't know how to do well in JC.

went down for basketball, with nobody, just practice shooting, to keep for the feeling of shooting. especially 3 pointer, i got many times that i shooting 5 plus but none of the 5 scored!!!! omg that's very sad.

My new basketball is quite heavy, and i'm keep using it to practice, i think that's why i cannot shoot in when i use normal ball. But nevermind, still neet to practice.

2009-03-11T21:02:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow will be the stupid economic test, and it is first period, sad la haven't study yet. just hope that the question won't be so hard so at least i won't get zero mark.

Went to library today, that's my cca, actually want to join in basketball, but in the end still have to go library.

Saw my picture on Shanshan's blog, quite suprise, she still remember me, the most important thing is, she forgive me, i know i made her very sad last time, i'm really sorry about that, but maybe i'm really a evil person, i didn't think about her feeling.

Finally that the principal's permmition to go back, can book ticket already. planning to go back China at 9 june and come back at 22 june. a short period only. but too bad, i cannot go back and celebrate my brithday, which is on 4 june.

Going to study econs.

2009-03-07T11:23:00.000+08:00

Went to play basketball wtih E3 classmates last night. until very late, but it was very fun. I enjoyed going out with them.

I'm a very weird person, to many people, friends are closer than classmates, but to me it's different, classmates are closer than friends. that's why i like to go out with 4E3 classmates as well as the 1S15 people.

Maybe it's because 4E3 people are all live in sengkang so we can go out more often, but 1s15 people are living in every part in singapore, it's quite hard to go out together. But i really enjoyed the outing last time.

2009-03-05T17:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WANNI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wanni is 17 already!!!! haha, count for fun only. so sad that birthday still have test and cca duty. but nevermind, i also have to go back to school at my brithday, although it's in june holiday.

Hope wanni enjoy her holiday.

2009-03-05T16:02:00.000+08:00

终于，又见了你一面。我承认，见到你的时候，我的感觉还是那么强烈，可是，从你的反应我不难看出，你已离我越来越远。我真的怕，以后都不能在见面，如果真是这样，那一切荣耀，一切欢乐，多会变得不重要。见你一面，我心里的不愉快一扫而光。可是，本来就在你面前说不出话的我，似乎变得更加语无伦次。我对你已无非分之想，但难道连见面都会变得如此困难？每个人都说新加坡很小，在我心里，它真的很大，大到见面都难。没错，只有和你聊天，我才会感受到快乐，尽管那只是短短的几分钟，但那对我来说，已经是很难得了。我放手了，但我没有放弃。经过这么多年，我证明了自己，我不是一时冲动，也不是心血来潮，我是真心的。没有你，对我来说，一切的一切，都变得不重要。

2009-03-04T21:42:00.000+08:00

Getting bad results now, failed physics quiz, only got 1A and 2B for chemistry, Just pass economic, chinese lost to qi xian and hui ying(don't know who is this, but i heard that it's sherina). math still don't know how bad i have done it.

I got flu so didn't run with the class for PE lesson, but still did 110 push up. my arm felt very tired. I think my pull up is hopeless.

Joined library, that's my first choice, but i don't really want to go there, not because the library is not good, but it's i want sports. no choice, i have to listen to my doctor, he still don't allow me to join in basketball or even runner's club, he say if i keep don't listen to him my knee may break down and i may lost the left leg. i don't believe that there will be such a serious consequence, but my dad said that i'm not good enough to join in basketball team, i agree with them, i'm always a lousy player, play basketball by luck. so, in the end, i went to library. the teachers and students there are quite good, i hope i won't regret that i made a wrong choice.

the rae...sth said she was sad, but through her crazy behaviour in school(i doubt that she may use wrong medicine), i believe that she was not sad.

A lot of homework, again, but i will still try to finish them, if really cannot then ask my friends for help.

2009-03-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

It seems like very hard to escape from the bad mood. everyday when i go to school and meet my classmates, my mood will suddenly change, but when school ends and all of us going seperate way, the bad mood will be back immediately. i like the class a lot, at least they didn't reject me as a foreign student. someone still trying to help me as a elder sister, haha, thanks a lot, although u don't allow me to mention ur name.

Just shifted house, the new house is quite good. and these days keep seeing a new classmate on bus. don't know she lives here, haha.

Homework is like a huge mountain, but still no mood to do it, nevermind, just leave it.

2009-02-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

Today is really a sad day. I also don't know why, but just very sad, totally no mood. i'm in a very bad mood. Friendship, My lover, all of them are very far from me. Last year, when I'm in trouble, I always have Mrs Ng, Nicholas Ng, Desmond Khoo, Wanni, Hui Shan, and a lot of people. Andre, Kenneth, Joshua, Joel, they are very far from me now. I don't know weather i can pass my English in JC without Mrs Ng, I don't know weather i can understand everything without Nicholas and Desmond, I don't know weather I can still have joy in school without Joel and Kenneth, I don't know weather I still can be motivated without Jasmine's smile...... I'm comfusing now, I want to go swim, not because I want to exercise, but I want to put my whole body into the water and see what I will think under the pressure of water. Nobody is able to help me. Parents are totally useless in such things, they can give me money, but they cannot help me when I'm in trouble.

I always want to end my life, but I cannot, I hate the way I pretend in school, I don't want to pretend that I'm a joker and I don't mind everything. That's not me, maybe Jasmine knows me well, but I don't even know weather I still got chance to see her once in the rest of my life. I cannot force her to do anything.

Before I choose to go JC, a lot of people told me that JC life is totally different from Secondary school. I didn't believe that until the first week when I enter the school. I still need to pretend myself. Obviously, in the new school, I don't have a true friend who really knows I am what kind of person. I'm different from everyone in SRJC because I got a lot of trouble that I have to deal with them without anyone's help. There are several times that I was very angry in school, but what can I do? I only can smile. I can't do anything to protect myself.

I can tell that these 2 year will be a great obstacles in my life, I must bear with it, I must deal with it. After I finish JC, I will got a chance to allow myself to relax. But now it's not the time yet, however, I don't know weather i am still alive after 2 years. There are too many reasons that i want to kill myself. or maybe let someone kill me.

Thanks Lynette, always give me smile in school, and always say hello to me. She is a good friend. I feel lucky to get into same school as her.

Nowadays, I truely understand the meaning of "Nobody could understand the agony felt in my soul."

2009-02-26T17:24:00.000+08:00

Ok, finally settled the thing with sherina, haha i spoiled her banana but she didn't blame me, such a good girl. LOL.

Today just find out that priscillia like to shake leg!!! LOL, if she see this don't know what she will do. haha

Planning to play basketball with 1s15 boys after school, before the Economic extra lesson, but there was a good news, the extra lesson was canceled, but a bad new also, there was raining after school. so just go home and slack.

GP got a lot of homework leh, don't know can finish it or not. anyway, don't care le.

2009-02-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

Went to class outing on Saturday. many people was suprised that my class so fast got outing already. haha this might because we are very united, we got good class spirit.

Must thank Marc for organise this event. it is memoriable.

Must thank Jiayu, Jinde, Weiping, Jiuping, Mrac, Daniel, Jonathan and priscillia for having dinner together at Sakura.

Must thank Qixian, Weiping, Jiayu, Benedict and Jiuping for playing pool together.

Also, i won't forget my 4E3, must thank Sufi, Isfaiz, Joel and Chia Hwee for the basketball game in the evening.

2009-02-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

去年今日此门中，人面桃花相映红。

真的很怀念中二的日子。你就坐在我前面，门天都能够近距离的看到你。每天都能感觉到你的气息，尽管你的心并不在我身上。

如今，每一分，每一秒，对我来说，都像是置身在无间炼狱，每时每刻都要忍受来自不同方向的折磨。想你，尽管你不不在意，爱你，从不曾改变。

终于理解什么是“衣带渐宽终不悔，为伊消得人憔悴”。对于我的等待，你总是无动于衷。你总是若即若离，让我的心每时每刻都处在担心和害怕之中。真的，无法自拔。

如今，终于还是走到了各奔东西的这一天，而你也似乎将永远的离我而去。我真怕以后再没有机会见到你，那将是我一生中最大的遗憾。

为了你，做什么都值得，就算要我用一生来等待，我也心甘情愿，可是，我真得受不了这与你无论咫尺天涯，都不能相见的痛苦。

最后，用这首诗的后半句来结束吧

人面不知何处去，桃花依旧笑春风。

2009-02-17T18:29:00.000+08:00

I have been in the SRJC for 2 weeks. this is the 3rd week of my JC life. Seriously speaking, I really feel that SRJC is a very good place, and now I feel that 1s15 is as good as the previous 4E3. I like my class, I like all my teachers and classmates. They are very helpful, because of them, it seems like my JC life will be enjoyable.

Ok, the outing of 1s15 is on Saturday. I'm looking foward to it. It is amazing that a new class is very united in only 1 week time. Even for the SP students, they are very friendly. I hope the class can help them get promoted next year. I hope we can promote as a class.

The lessons are quite fun, and I think the lessons are understandable. I will try my best to study hard and also help my friends as much as I can.

In the end, 4E3 and 1s15, I will always remember you.

JC Life

2009-02-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

I don't really enjoy the JC life. Firstly is I feel everything is not familiar, only a few people
that I know in the SRJC. Lucky got Yong Da and Ping Hui there. However, my lovely 4E3 only
got one people there and i am not so close to her some more.

I don't want to go to school. I prefer to go for outing with 4E3, although everytime there is
only half of the class, but i still feel that I feel it's enough to end my secondary school like in 4E3.

I was posted to 09-1S15, the OGLs are really good, Max and especially Yu Zhen, she is a super cute girl. My orientation was very fun because of her. But next week onwards, I think I seldom got chance to meet her and talk to her. I will keep the card she made for me. I will take out and look at it when i miss her, but I think I won't have time to miss her because the lessons are started at next week.

The new class is actually not bad. Jia Yu and Jonathan are very funny people. That Priscillia has a super loud voice. Wei Peng is a very good boy. and there are many good friends in the class, but I just don't like the environment, because i still cannot forget the time that i sit in the 4E3 classroom.

2 years later, I will try to make myself get into the NUS. So, must work hard now.

心

2009-02-13T19:17:00.000+08:00

心伤了，就让它彻底绝望，让它彻底死去。哀莫大于心死，但心死了，总好过终日忍受那生不如死的凌迟。痛痛快快，酣畅淋漓，死，也无憾了。